The Naïve Question You Should Never Ask On A First Date
First dates are hard, especially if you're getting back into the dating scene after getting out of a long-term relationship. It's definitely bewildering to go from living with someone who knows everything about you, to "So, what's your favorite color?" Honestly, sometimes first dates can feel like a medieval torture device! Plus, let's not forget the first-date jitters that can come raging before we even shake hands with a prospective suitor. It's no surprise that first dates and other unfamiliar social interactions can increase our anxiety levels. So like Eminem said, if you're palms are sweaty, and your knees are weak (mom's spaghetti!), that's pretty much par for the course.
When we get nervous, we can make a whole bunch of first date mistakes. We can ask them how many people they've slept with (Warning! Cringe alert!), we can ask them about their divorce or exes, and we can be a bit jaded or negative. But there's one question we all tend to ask on a first date when we actually really like the person sitting across from us, and it should be avoided at all costs.
Don't ask why they're single
We think we're flattering our obviously awesome date whom we want to see again when we ask, "Why are you single?" But experts have found that question to be naïve.
Relationship coach and author Matthew Hussey tackled this very question and offered his services as a man translator, a.k.a. #manslator, in his 2017 viral YouTube video. According to Hussey, when a man asks a woman this question during a date, what he's really saying is, "I'm attracted to you but I'm insecure. So do other guys like you, or is there something wrong with you I should know about?"
Business Insider spoke with dating coach Erika Ettin, who revealed that no person should be asking this on a date. Firstly, it suggests there's something wrong with a person for being single, and secondly, is assumes that everyone's life goal is to be paired off. "Being single is not a crime. In fact, it's a valid life choice that many people desire," Ettin told the outlet. Lots of people enjoy their lives all on their own, and when they're looking for a partner, its not because they want to be "completed" by another person (we're giving "Jerry Maguire" so much side eye right now); it's because they want the other person's energy and life to complement their own. Instead of being suspicious of our date for being single, we should be applauding them for never compromising their standards just to have the bragging rights of being "in a relationship" on Facebook.
Being single should be embraced
Another reason why we should embrace those who choose singledom is the multitude of benefits. Insider reports that there's actually scientific research that suggests singles are better off financially, have larger friend circles, are more physically active and healthier, and (obviously) more independent. Because of this, people in the dating scene are getting over being asked this tired and dated question. Instagram influencer Kaylor Betts even made a whole video responding to the question with, "Because I'm in a loving, romantic, sexy, fun, adventurous relationship with myself." In fact, people are sharing their favorite one-liner quips to handle this Q. "Because not everyone can handle fabulous," is definitely one to remember, per HuffPost.
Being single is great, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. So the next time you have the urge to ask your date why they're not boo'd up, remember that if they were, you wouldn't be with them now! And if someone dares to ask you why you're single, hit them with the truth: "Just lucky, I guess."