Once upon a time, men in a country on the eve of its birth laid down their lives to cast off the yoke of tyranny. In the present day, those of us who live in the grand ol’ U.S. of A. celebrate their sacrifice by setting off Chinese fireworks, drinking too much, and laughing our butts off at people dressed in red, white, and blue.

Not that there’s anything wrong with dressing in red, white, and blue. In fact, a smart nautically-inspired suit that makes one think that one might like to travel back in time to the 30s can look chic and sharp! Generally, however, I think I’d prefer to wear my reds, whites, and blues separately or in groupings of two to avoid any erroneous implications. I say think because my everyday uniform is black on black with a little touch of black.

For those who can pull off color or the lack of it without looking like some crazed she-beast, here are three luscious frocks — two from Nicole Miller and one from Vera Wang — that could conceivable be used to send a message like “I love America” or “Why settle for something from David’s Bridal” or “Hey, I’m not afraid to grab two friends and make a spectacle of myself on a patriotic parade float.”

Looking at this gown lineup, I can even imagine some bride-to-be who loves her country very much dressing her bridesmaids in red and blue…hey, I said I could picture it in my head, not that I would actually suggest someone actually do that.

Happy Fourth!

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I’m sorry to say that even though both The Beard and I would have liked to have had a bounce house at our wedding, we did not include it in our budget. Even after my mom told us that we should get one — there would, after all, be kids at the wedding — we still didn’t seriously entertain the idea. It just seemed so…silly.

Looking back a year later, I rather regret our decision. Look at how much fun the bride and groom in the snapshot above are having…and if that’s not a genuinely superb photo op then I don’t know what is. Plus, how many opportunities will I have in the future to rent my very own bounce house? Perhaps none!

The point is, if you’re contemplating doing something goofy at your wedding but you’re afraid of what people will think, forget about popular opinion and throw caution to the wind. As a friend of mine once said, no one ever tells the bride that the wedding sucked. There will always be people who will look askance at your choices — the gluten-free cake, the electric purple wedding gown, the dunk tank, etc. — but it’s not their wedding, and if they have the gall to share their negative opinions, they’ve just shown you what sort of human beings they really are.

While circumstances may force you to make certain concessions, you shouldn’t ever have to subdue your personality!

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I was recently interviewed for an article in the NY Post, and it’s looking like I will be jetting off to NY tomorrow to film a TV segment. More on that later!

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Pnina Tornai is an Israeli designer with a flair for over-the-top bridal fashion. She eschews both convention and proofreaders — the best sentence on her site has to be “In the last to years Pnina has expended herself over seas.” Is there anything left? Let’s have a look!

I, too, would adopt a sullen expression if I were forced to walk a runway with a bouquet of dahlia’s affixed to my skull. A similar bunch of blooms appears to be sprouting from the model’s right shoulder.

The outfit above gives me an idea for a new reality show: My Ghetto-Fabulous Mother-in-Law. For some mysterious reason I just can’t see a bride wearing this…I wonder why!

I won’t lie — this dress takes me by the throat and forces me to love it. Yet I know I would automatically fear the bride who chose it, for she must be as fierce as a tigress and as dark as the outskirts of the universe.

What can I say? Would you believe me if I said that Pnina “borrowed” this idea from Frederick’s of Hollywood shortly after she “expended herself.”

I kid, I kid! It’s because I love! For every horrorshow Pnina Tornai creates, she whips up a stunning gown to balance it out. I don’t know why I’ve been so obsessed with the not-so-great lately — think wedding sneakers and bridenapping toppers — but I’m making a mental note to focus more on all things beautiful in the future. Really…I promise.

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Our very own Toni – I call her that because you ought to recognize her as a frequent commenter — sent me a bunch of links to photos of her cousin’s recent wedding. What you may not know about Toni is that she’s a fantastic photographer who’s shot a wedding or two in her day, including the one you’re about to see.

Toni described the wedding thusly:

They are also both big sci-fi fans, and the groom’s cake was the TARDIS from Doctor Who. They also had a fun movie theme where they showed clips from The Princess Bride before the ceremony, provided movie theater candy, had a Walk Of Fame, and other touches. (I overheard one of the flowers girls perusing the Walk Of Fame and wondering which groomsman was “Tom Hanks.”) Also, all of the music at the reception were songs from movie soundtracks. It was a nice theme without being cheesy and overwhelming.

This topper is cuter than most, and the little groom’s blush job looks to me like a tribute to silent movie era actors. I’m going to guess it wasn’t meant to be an homage, but it definitely beats the usual one-off plastic man-and-wife!

Many a bride-to-be wants to feel like a star on her big day, but this is the first wedding I’ve seen in which the couple actually declared themselves such. It’s a little over the top — in a good way — but I like this so much more than a boring monogram or a hardly noticeable painted aisle runner.

This is where I make the joke about their being way more filling than you’d expect on the inside. I am inspired to rush off and copy this fantastic groom’s cake. Who cares if it’s already past ten and I have to get up at 5:30 a.m.?

In a unique plot twist, the couple modeled their candy buffet after a concession stand, complete with striped sacks and movie posters. I’d say that some of their choices are a touch too freaky for my particular tastes, but I am also a sissy when it comes to DVD covers. I can still remember going into the video store as a child and being terrified of the Ghoulies box, and a quick peek confirms that it still freaks me out!

But enough about my irrational fears…I’d like to take this opportunity to say best wishes and congrats to Toni’s cousin, who has jumped feet-first into married life with a great deal of style and pizzazz!

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